Actual celebration happened a few weeks ago already but today was toy-room-cleaning-day which reminded me how blessed I am to be a mom to my son.
1. When he was still a baby, I am worried how I will keep him entertained. I was so used to playing only with fellow girls and I am into dolls and crafts and music which is “associated” with girls. I learned to adapt and he enjoyed my company as a playmate (being a mommy-friend worked for me!). We played with cars and trucks, puzzles, kitchen toys (why not??), we have dolls as well, play dough, paper toys.. to just name a few. Until now, we still play but not as much as before. He said he’ll keep most of his toys as his collections and some he’ll give away already.
2. I never needed to ask him to help out clean the room. I just “declared” today was cleaning day (because of the sudden work day-off). He was with me almost all day even if I asked him to go and do something else. (It will be faster too if I just do it myself). He was saying “But WE aren’t finished cleaning yet so I will stay.” Oh boy. 😍
3. Although he has more toys than I would want to (a lot are grandparents and god-parents sponsored or gifts), it didn t keep him from his outdoors play time. Well, he’s on the kinder side so his tendency was to bring out toys for him and his playmates to play with.
4. Almost all of his toys are Lego and car/train playsets. He created cities and “worlds” with those. They weren’t buy-play-once-and-keep type of toys for him. Commulative free play. More kalat (mess) but I was able to note how his creative juices mature even with his toys.
When I was still a kid, fastfood for us meant Filipino variations of western chicken joints. We have McDonalds, KFC, Carls Jr. and some others I cannot remember anymore. But for us, mas patok sina Jollibee, Cindy’s, Tropical Hut, Johnny’s. 😁
Pizza joints are semi-special already. Oh, Shakey’s all the way since forever! It’s only when we got older that we discovered other great tasting thin crust pizzas but Shakey’s would always be our favorite. They’re for Sundays, post report card, post recital, post school event type of celebrations. (We were never a fan of thick crust, pan pizza. Just in case you would send us one 😉)
Then, independence was conceptualized in our household. It was then we realized our elders are not adventurous with food. It’s hard to make them eat foreign recipes and they say they don’t enjoy it. We were only able to try new restos when we go out with friends and classmates… then later on, it became a solitary activity for me.
Mostly solitary but ocassionally, I get to eat with good friends. That’s another story.
The point of this post is? Partly, I am thinking it would be a lot more wonderful and frugal if I have food from home. Another part of me, the “emotional eater”, is grateful to have options when going out alone. I can get away with a 30pesos takoyaki or a 60pesos fruit shake or something like this fast food bibimbap with bulgogi soup and mandu by Bonchon. Basta anything except the usual chicken set meal.
Partly, one day. I will completely embrace healthy lifestyle. Please do not reprimand me. I know.
Maybe it is ¨beginner´s drive¨ (HK 2018) but now is the time I would like to be always on the go. The thing with my practice is that I get to work in chunks of 2 to 4 hours (mostly 2) and I have to spend up to an hour to travel to my different areas of practics. That gives me a chance to work for up to 4 areas in a day.
I really want to fill my day up and yesterday was a sample of it.
I had moonlighting stint from 8-10am, 11-1pm then 4-6 pm. This was a good schedule. I could squeeze in 1 more in between 1 to 4 pm or I could spend it relaxing at a coffee house (while managing my online work on the side … haha!) which I did yesterday. This is temporary though. I am just a reliever which means once the owner goes back form vacation I´ll be back to having more free time.
I hope this blocked daily schedule pushes through though. I am hoping more work and more people to serve. I may find it hard to converse with topics about my own life but with patients, I am more open. Seeing patients makes me happy. Kahit marami basta kaya and as long as they trust me, I am good.
I am also hoping to be able to have ¨excess¨. This means I have enough savings for daily needs and emergencies so I can pursue some kind of business. I already have an idea of what kind of business I will eventually pursue but it will need a big capital. I am currently exploring other sources of income.
Hoping for enlightenment and neverending strength and faith.
But my project wasn´t like that. I was an unadventurous soul, and I didn´t want to undertake that kind of extraordinary change. Which was lucky, because I woudn´t have been able to do it even if I´d wanted to. I had a family and responsibilities that made it practically impossible for me to leave for one weekend, let alone for a year.
I am currently reading this book by Gretchen Rubin. I was looking through old books I could give up and sell (KonMari attempt) and came across this book again. . Half read previously but I will finish reading it now.
¨I was an unadventurous soul.¨ Tha author is comparing herself to the likes of Elizabeth Gilbert who gave up their present life to travel the world and find illumination through their quests. She wasn´t like that.
And this is me as well. More than a specific place, view and environment, right now I am just contented anywhere peaceful, quiet where I can do my thing – whatever that ¨thing¨of the moment is. Don´t need to be talking about resources and responsibilities as well. Those are my priorities – my purpose as of the moment.
It seems like I have found a companion in this book. This book stays with me. I´m going back to reading it now.
This is my story.
After training, I spent a year being a junior consultant at the same hospital. The thing is, I had to travel a total of 5 to 6 hours going to and from the hospital! I woke up one day wanting to take back those 6 hours of my life back. There are other reasons that made me give it up but I would rather not talk about it. I want something more than the life within the walls of the hospital. I realized I actually had a choice. I choose to let go of that stable and paying job and take the risk finding my own niche.
I probably made a pretty harsh and unprepared decision. I did not come from a family of established practitioners. I didn´t have affiliations. I do not have a network. I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH.
I have savings but is intended to pay my hospital stocks. I have to find a somewhat regular source of income while I am establishing my private practice.
Let´s have a round up.
I have been relieving for other doctors´clinics or duties whenever they are unavailable. This has been a regular ¨sideline¨ Since I graduated. Since January, I have been adding a clinic to my regular duties. For now, I have 4 clinics I work at on the average of 2 times a week. Again, all from scratch. My finances are starting to be disturbing but instinct tells me to go on. Faith. I have to remind myself that this is the ¨business¨ complication of my choice. I am in private practice, I manage my own time, i am the boss of myself but in business, you really don´t always expect a win immediately the first time.
Yup. Tiwala lang.
[Repost November 2006]
As I was sitting on the couch at the coffee shop,
I was imagining I was…
In my dream house
In my spacious “den”
With a wide sliding door leading to the “asutea”
And in which a huge garden/field is just a stare away
Wooden floors, just like the one I have in my room (an old house)
Light colored wood, matte, which allows foot steps to be heard
A side with glass windows, divided into rectangles with frames
With walls in off-white, which give emphasis to light
On a wall hangs a painting of grandpiano floating on clouds
While other walls are plainly sacred.
A black and shiny grand piano stands at the center
A couch lies a few meters away
A table, lampshade,
A cabinet for music sheets and books
And yes a place for other instruments
probably a small stage to host string instruments.
That’s my haven.
That’s where I’ll go when I want to be alone
When I don’t need to care about anything else
Where I don’t need to think
Where I could just feel
Where I could do nothing
But where I could also feel “nothing”
Where I could play music
Where I could play “like nobody’s watching”
play “like nobody’s listening”
Where I am free.
Where I can be completely free.
[Repost some 13 years ago, yup 2004]
My 2nd week in CAMP has passed. So far, no big problem… just yet…
Ngayon lang nagsisink in sakin na PT ang kinuha kong course. Why? The last two years I spent in UP is just like having a two year extension of my highschool years where I just took purely general education subjects (Math, Comm, Basic Sci subjects). Of course it’s also hard but deep inside I know that studying these subjects would not be very useful once I already start my profession.
Ngayon, things are very different. I know everything that will be taught is very important. Now is the true time to say that learning is not just plain memorization, it’s knowing how you could apply all that is taught and knowing how you would relate them with each other.
I am also starting to think of what I’ll do next after I finished my course. Primarily, I took PT as my pre-med course. But now that I am here, I am not sure anymore. I am starting to think that I would like to teach (as a prof). I also would like to take further studies about special children. Even before, I am already interested with dealing with them. I want to know their world. I want to know their hidden talents. I wan’t to help them live as normal as possible…