In betweens.

Mood:
I am writing this while on my bus ride home. I am from a straight 32 hour duty but this is one of those rare moments I still seem to have high energy reserve.

Why so?

Maybe it’s because I feel I made something right today. I may have done something small but it felt good.

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Your Heart Today

This is one of my favorite songs, one of the prayers that guide me specially with my practice.

“Where there is fear I can allay, where there is pain I can heal, where there are wounds I can bind…”

“And when I’ve done, all that I could…”

First embrace

For some reasons, some words and phrases appeal to my soul more than the others. A few of these include tachycardia (fast heart rate), dropped beat (a type of arrythmia where in a heart beat is lost in between decreasing heart rates), and unang yakap (first embrace). Appeal to my soul I say because I see them more than as exclusively medical textbook terms.  They are poetic for me. I used these terms in my personal writings, such as what would journal turn out to be.

First embrace or Unang Yakap, is actually a call for a better maternal and child care which begins as the child is being born.  I highly appreciate that emphasis is given to maternal safety, comfort during birth and that even at that moment, mother-baby bond is encouraged.  This uninterrupted attachment with the mother after the baby’s first breath is not only medically beneficial but creates a lasting emotional security for both of them.

This site is more of my personal outlet.  I am now a physician and as a pediatric resident, one of the programs that I have been put into is essential newborn care. I am a single mother of a beautiful 4-year old boy.  I express a lot more in writing and though I am doing this more for myself, I feel it wouldn’t help to share it with at least one person who might be able to stumble upon this and find this interesting.   I am sharing my first embraces in my personal life and in my career.

Oh to be alive… and mumbling

The little girl is gone and here I am presenting a grown woman (half-truth), officially working –  growing callouses on her feet (and heart), getting nourished spiritually through service… while waiting for her very first paycheck (which which was due months ago). *curtsey* *slow clap*

—-

Changes.

Being on the process of self-improvement,  I started the year with this statement as my motivational drive…

“What else can I do…?”

… to help? to be productive? to be useful?

to correct what I have previously done wrong?

to help my group do better?

so I wouldn’t be preoccupied unproductively thinking of negative thoughts?

… to teach my son  basic life lessons?

to help my son acquire passion for learning?

 —

I have been learning with pay (a.k.a residency) for 5 months now and yet I haven’t received a single centavo. It’s a given problem with our political system and I was prepared for it. I am also fortunate my parents can still provide for our needs.  I am thankful for that.

Small steps to poverty (as a virtue). I try to do away with ordering while on duty since we are being fed at the hospital.   I now try to eat even if it’s plain ginataang kalabasa, or whatever sauce over meat that is but I honestly would prefer any fried fish over some weird dishes.  Honestly, at times, I could only eat a few spoonful but I survived the whole duty. That served as a challenge even of how far can I “starve” myself.  I am not miserable, and I don’t turn into a monster when I am hungry unlike other people. I am fine with that.  I remember a documentary I watched when I was a lot younger. There were families who survive even without anything for days.  If they can do it, so can we.  Just a bit of nourishment, just a bit of water will suffice for us to survive. Plus will power. Plus the vision that the duty will end. Plus the vision that you will have a home to go home to, have a decent meal, and share that meal with someone special.  It’s a bonus that I lost over 30lbs already and I am not even on a diet.
Also, although scary, I only keep cash-on-hand that’s just enough for me pay my ride to the hospital and the bus back to my home. No side trips. No street foods. Voila! Savings.
I still buy clothes. And honestly, I like to shop for clothes (but I rarely go on shopping spree). We are “required”  to wear dress twice a week so this ‘phase’ in my life gave me a chance to play Barbie once in a while. I like clean cuts. I like structured lines. If you know Daphne Osena, I like to dress like her. Very simple and smart. My healthy figure makes it hard for me to buy cheap clothes (bargain dresses for example fits small to medium frame only).  Since I prefer solid colors and classic cuts, I have no problem with checking the racks on sale.  I also try to choose clothes that I could grow old with as well.
But as I say, I haven’t been really thrifty.  In the end, if I have money to spare, I buy learning stuff for Ye.  I started with puzzles, baby books, coloring materials,  then pre-K activity books and little stuffs you get to see at bookstores.

(The toys and more expensive things are bought by the grandparents but I try to bring home only educational materials).

Oh and yes, my love for Starbucks did not end. No complicated reasons, it’s simply a comfort food.